I heard back from the perinatologist today. She received the lab results and looked over my operation report.
Basically, I did have a placental abruption. The labor I experienced was triggered by the abruption. My doctor informed me that there is no way to stop an abruption as opposed to pre-term labor which can be managed. In an odd way, this provides me with a sense of comfort knowing that if the doctor had me come in right away when the bleeding started, there is nothing they would have been able to do. I am thankful I came in while Garrett was still alive so we could have the time with him that we did. If we were delayed at all, he may have been stillborn as well.
I had wrestled with myself if I wanted to pursue a lawsuit with what happened with Garrett. I eventually decided that it wasn't worth the gain. I also knew that I was probably trying to place the blame from my grief somewhere. It wasn't going to bring my baby back, and it would just be a lot of work (like I don't have enough already). Hearing this news reinforces what I had already decided.
The doctor also informed me that the lab work indicates that I have a mutation related to thrombophilia (clotting disorder). It is an insignificant mutation in that it doesn't manifest any symptoms in myself and won't increase my risk for vascular disorders. However, she feels confident that this is what caused our unexplained stillbirth and the placental abruption. Good news is I can be treated with blood thinners when I'm pregnant again!
The other good news is I probably won't need to go on bedrest to prevent preterm labor. I certainly would have done it and will still do it if necessary, but I wasn't looking forward to that prospect.
Now that we seem to know the answers (which still seems too good to be true even as I write this), it saddens me that we had to loose two babies before we could know about any of this. I am still anxious about this and all the other possible problems that could happen during subsequent pregnancies. My doctor is going to monitor me very closely during my next pregnancies and have me come in every 3 weeks for ultrasounds and then every week during my last trimester. It will be a lot of doctor appointments but well worth it!
Now all we need to do is "patiently" wait the 6 months before we can start trying again...
Friday, May 8, 2009
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My precious daughter, as a mother I experience a gammet of emotions as I walk with you through these experiences. I remember as you were a child, I would always try to guide you, protect you, teach you, and try to fix things when something went wrong. I watched you as you went off on your own. You were so capable and a self-motivated young lady. I was determined to keep you close to me even though we were hundreds of miles apart. I did not want to happen to you and me what had happened between me and my mother. We loved each other dearly, but the miles did separate us in a way. You were only a phone call away, and it would be as if you were in the next room. I was determined that distance would not keep us apart. But when Dad and I were packing to come to Dallas when we got the news about Sierra, it hit me like a ton of bricks that there was nothing I could do to "fix" this for you. Nothing I could say, or do could help. I could only cry with you and be there with you. I watched you go through all the hurt, questions unaswered, fear of the unknown, and yet you and Kevin both still had hope. Hope for a chance for things to go right. I was so proud as I watched you both help each other through it all. Kevin, I will never forget when we were together with Garrett during his final minutes, Savannah made a comment about wanting to have a brother or sister (?), and without missing a beat, you quickly and confidently assured her that she would be a sister someday because she was here...she was proof that it could happen. You were confident in your expectation of hope. Rachael, I am so proud of the way you have kept going. After Sierra, you kept going. You started the day care, you took in other's children. You cared about them, you agonized over doing the right things for them. You wanted to do the right thing. It was the love you have for Kevin, Savannah, your family, friends, and for yourself that kept you going. Love is a powerful force. It is said "...faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love. I love you both and nothing, nothing, nothing could ever change that.
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