Food buzz and philosophical musings

This is completely off topic, but I thought it was really interesting and would be fun to share.

So, we were eating at Genghis Grill last night - a restaurant that specializes in Mongolian stir fry.  For those unfamiliar with the concept, Mongolian stir fry is basically where you go down a line (not entirely unlike a cattle corral) and combine in typically random-like fashion your own choices of meats, veggies, spices, and sauces (at your own risk and possible your own peril) to be cooked on a huge wok by restaurant-employed cooks.  I thought I was careful to avoid any spices or sauces marked with a "hot" indicator since I'm one that can tolerate (and sometimes enjoys) the quick flash of spice but am wary of anything that might have the lasting linger of heat.

Well, my food was either contaminated by another's spicier creation, or I was not as thoroughly observant as I had originally believed, or their spices and/or sauces were mislabeled or underrated because I received a dish of exactly what I was trying to avoid.  However, the typical nature of such spices usually involves a slow increase of the heat which makes its near-immediate effects immediately unknown to an unsuspecting diner.

I was halfway through my food before realizing my mishap and decided to power through and finish my meal.  At the end, I was left with the characteristic burn that terrorizes lips and tongue.  But after a few minutes, I started feeling the sensation that one typically experiences after a glass of wine or beer.  I felt as if I had a buzz and the burning sensation had noticeably decreased.  I mentioned this to Kevin, and he said he's heard of such things happening but has never been privy to the experience himself.  After a quick google on the iphone we discovered that apparently this is a fairly common occurrence and is caused by endorphins being released in the brain causing a sense of general contentment.  He said he's read the same thing happens to burn victims.  I also remember having the same sensation after massages. 

The one article mentioned that people can become "addicted" (not in the crack-addict way, but more like an adrenaline-junkie way) to the sensation but start building tolerances to the heat-inducing spices.  But these spices are completely safe and healthy for our bodies.  I find this completely fascinating how something so simple or innocuous can affect our brain and subsequently our mood.  But I think I'll stick with my massages for getting my "brain high" rather than spicy food.

It reminds me how important it is to take time to do the self-care items that are not so obviously important to our mental and physical health.  There are things happening behind the scenes in our bodies that aren't so apparent.  If we take care of our bodies, our bodies will take care of us, and we will be in a better mindset and physical condition to enjoy the simpler things in life.  We will be better able to be in the moment and enjoy the journey for the journey rather than being so focused on the end destination when we can forget to "stop and smell the roses".  I struggle with being in the moment because of my personality and because of our pregnancy loss experiences, but I think this experience has reminded me to make that a priority.  So maybe this little experience isn't so off topic as I originally thought when I first sat down to write about it.

Infertility specialist

I scheduled a consult appointment with an infertility specialist today.  I hadn't been thinking about it recently, but we were talking about the car problems we've been having recently and thinking how long we'll be able to go before needing to buy another vehicle.  We were talking about the size of the vehicle we would need with how many kids we hope to have, and Kevin mentioned that if we want to do PGD/IVF, this would be a good time and we should see how much our insurance will cover.

I can't help but feeling a little guilty about going.  I asked my current OB if she thought we should pursue seeing a specialist, but she didn't see it as necessary.  It would be one thing if I didn't need to tell her, but I have to request medical records for the appointment.  But I remind myself that I need to look out for my own best interest in this.  It would make me feel more at ease to get a second opinion and to put this stage in life behind us quicker if we can have two babies at one time rather than being pregnant two more times...

So anyway, now I get to sit down and fill out the tomes of medical history requested for this appointment. Wish me luck!

This past Monday, I got back from my brother's wedding in El Paso.  I wasn't supposed to be there because I was supposed to be pregnant and wasn't going to travel.  But I dealt with this wedding much better than I did my sister's wedding when I was supposed to be pregnant as well.  I think the difference was that I opted not to be part of the wedding party this time.  Despite the fact that I shouldn't have been there, I am very happy that I was able to be with my brother and his new wife on their wedding day.

I remember packing for this trip on Friday going through my mental checklist of stuff to take and arriving at maxipads thinking, "nah, I shouldn't start my period yet."  Well, low and behold, I started Saturday.  I mentioned to my mom on Sunday that I was going to need to stop by the store to pick some up since I didn't have enough in my purse, and she says, "oh! your dad's at the store, let's call him to see if he'll pick some up."  I handed her my phone and said, "you talk to him!"  It's a natural bodily function, but I was embarrassed to mention, talk about, or even allude to this bodily function with my father. Anyway, I know I said it before, but thanks again Dad!

Maybe that's another reason I was able to deal with this wedding better.  Maybe it lifted my mood a little bit to know that now that my period has started, we can start trying to get pregnant again.  Now to get down to the nitty gritty of loosing about 10 pounds.  All this "deserving" of chocolate has kinda tipped the scales in the wrong direction!  I thought I'd have more time to get my act together!

As a side note, I was reminded today that I received the pathology results back last week from the tissue sample that was sent off from the D&C.  Basically, we don't have any additional information.  The pathology report stated that the sample was maternal tissue and did not have any chromosome abnormalities.  Obviously we already know that I don't have any chromosome abnormalities.  We still don't know for sure if the clotting factor caused the miscarriage or if it was due to some fluke chromosome abnormality.  Oh well, we've already revised my treatment plan, and hopefully it'll work this time.

CHL ready!

Well, I took a concealed handgun license (CHL) class yesterday.  In Texas in order to carry a handgun on your person, you must be licensed to do so.  It is also required to be concealed.  Some states allow open carry, but for whatever reason ours does not.  I'm not even sure how often I'll carry a gun on my person (certainly not on a daily basis considering I don't get out much), but being someone that does NOT like to attract attention, I seriously doubt I would entertain the idea of wearing it openly if the law allowed.

Anyway, obtaining a CHL involves 10 hours of instruction, a range test, a written test, and lots of delving into your background to make sure you're a law-abiding, mentally-stable resident (or non-resident, whatever your case maybe).  I was incredibly nervous about the range test.  You have to go through different sequences of shots and be able to obtain a certain amount of accuracy within an allotted time frame.  I had only ever practiced firing a weapon twice before, but I scored 4 points less than the maximum score.  I did better than most others in the class!

A friend asked me why I would want to carry a gun, and being nervous about the gun is one reason I decided to get my CHL - to force myself to become familiar and thus comfortable.  We have handguns in our home for protection (locked up and secured of course), but prior to making myself familiar with the weapons, I wouldn't have even known how to take the safety off!  How can you protect yourself or your family if you can't even use the weapon properly?  What happens if the gun jams when you try to use it or if you have a miss fire (where the primer fails to make the bullet fire)?  I've always felt it's important to be prepared, and this is no different in my mind.

Because I was unfamiliar with the weapon, I was also scared of the gun.  It goes without saying that a mistake on my part when handling the weapon could have deadly consequences.  I certainly didn't want to see this happen.  I could have just decided to practice at the gun range with the weapon to become more familiar, but I haven't had the chance until recently because it's not really safe to be around a gun when it's discharged when you're pregnant because of all the chemicals and lead.  I figured that since I'm in between pregnancies (is that like being in between jobs?), it would be the perfect time to take advantage of this opportunity.

I'd also like to say that it is our right provided by the Constitution to be able to defend ourselves by bearing arms.  If we do not take advantage of these rights, we may find that they are no longer available to us should we ever need them.

It's funny some of things you'll do after you realize you're not immune to tragedy.  You sometimes hear about chance random violent encounters in the news, but they really aren't that common.  I don't know the statistics, but you're probably more likely to die in a car accident than be a victim of a random violent crime.  But once you've become part of an unlikely statistic (unexplained stillbirth for example), you tend to believe that you could become part of any slim statistic.  If it is within my power to prevent even something remotely unlikely as a violent encounter, I'd like to have the ability to try!

I have a problem

I have a problem and it centers around what is now the age-old abortion debate.  In an effort to persuade individuals to think "pro-life", proponents are now relying on irresponsible and ethically dangerous techniques.  One is now being lead to believe that if one prays hard enough or follows blindly enough or is righteous enough or has enough faith, etc, etc, one will be graced with beating the odds and can go against medical convention regardless of risk.

I became aware of the Tebow family during Super Bowl Sunday while seeing a commercial during a pre-game show.  My husband informed me that the mother in this commercial was advised to have an abortion because of health reasons that put her own life in danger.  She opted to go against medical advice and keep the pregnancy which resulted in a healthy baby who now happens to be a well known football player.  You can read the full story here.  While I think it's wonderful that they had a good outcome, I think it's irresponsible for Focus on the Family to encourage and endorse this type of behavior.  I'm not going to say the Tebow family made the right or wrong decision.  It is a decision each family/mother needs to make on their/her own based on logical and personal reasons.  The Tebow family is the exception, not the rule, and it is irresponsible to lead people to believe that if they pray long or hard enough they too can have the desired outcome.  There is a reason they're called odds and most people are not going to have the desired outcome if the odds are stacked against them. 

I am envious of the Tebow's story.  I will admit that right now.  There was no doubt in my mind that we were going to have a healthy baby before we lost Sierra.  I fortified myself spiritually when I became pregnant again and prayed harder and stronger and believed I would have my sought after "rainbow" baby.  To tell me I didn't have enough faith or I wasn't praying right would be a slap in my face if I still believed all that nonsense (anyone want a side of bitter with their meal?). Why were they able to have the desired outcome against greater odds when I did everything I was supposed to do too?  Why couldn't I have my babies with me as well?

Aside from all that emotional turmoil, my main desire is that people will use logic when making risky decisions rather than falling victim to the Hollywood-fairy-tale-ending type propaganda.  Use your brains people, and don't let yourself be the next victim to the sensationalism.

Back to Normal

I had another two week checkup today to follow up with the D&C and check my hCG levels again.

Everything looks back to normal, and I feel back to normal.  They don't expect my hCG to be down to zero yet, but they will continue to follow it every two weeks until it is zero again.  I should have the results back tomorrow on that.  My doctor has recommended that we wait 1-2 cycles before trying again.

I forgot to mention before that after I came out of surgery I was told that the doctor had already stopped by to talk with me.  They said I asked her some pretty good questions, but I thought it was pretty funny that I had no recollection of this what-so-ever.  My doctor said that I was very alert and was talking perfectly coherently.   I asked if there was enough tissue to be able to do a chromosome analysis.  But we still don't know the answer to this.

She told me today that they sent the tissue off.  It wasn't very much, but they will try to get it to grow.  If it grows, there was enough tissue.  If it doesn't grow, then there wasn't enough.  They can usually tell in about 2 weeks, so we are still waiting on this.  This will hopefully give us clues as to if the miscarriage was from a chromosome abnormality or the clotting factor.

My doctor also mentioned that based on the tissue she retrieved and I guess how it was attached, I would not have been able to pass the tissue on my own, and I would have continued to bleed.  I am glad that we have the technology to be able to take care of these things.

Now I work to get my body healthy again while we wait until we can start trying again...