Wikipedia

I've always believed that knowledge is power. The more you know about something, the better able you are to make an educated decision and thus more likely to have the outcome you'd like.

I've also always prided myself on researching a topic thoroughly before deciding a course of action, and pregnancy and childbirth have been no different. When I became pregnant for the first time in 2003, I bought all the classic pregnancy books and then some. I read each one word for word and followed along each month as my pregnancy progressed. I took Bradley classes and started eating correctly and exercising. I asked my doctor how he handled labor and delivery, didn't like his answers, and switched to a midwife instead. Thankfully and maybe luckily, my pregnancy was uneventful and we were blessed with a beautiful, healthy baby girl.

Looking back on my last 2 pregnancies, I don't feel I had enough knowledge to prevent what happened. Whenever anything goes wrong in my life no matter how big or small, I always look back on the experience and ask myself, "what could I have done differently to have prevented that?" And then I file it away and pull it out again if needed for similar situations. So naturally, my inclination is to ask myself after this recent tragedy, "could I have done anything differently?"

Today I found myself on wikipedia looking up the terms "stillbirth" and "placental abruption". Why did these things happen to me? I combed the articles for clues. I found factors that increase your risk - none of which I had. Then I came to symptoms of placental abruption, and I had all of these. If I had only known that things were more serious, I would have insisted that I be seen right away.

But aside from all that, I shouldn't have had to have done anything differently. My doctor's office should have seen the signs and had me come in immediately when I called the first time. They should have emphasized the warning signs to look for at every single prenatal visit. How are you supposed to know something's wrong if you aren't educated about it? Isn't this why all the literature emphasizes getting proper prenatal care? Isn't it supposed to prevent stuff like this? I feel like the system (or maybe only this doctor's office) failed me and my baby.

I consider myself an educated woman, so if I don't know the answers I know how to get them. These experiences have left me with only questions that I will probably never be able to get the answers to. All I'm left with is the feeling that our current system of prenatal care is certainly not the answer.