Waiting for a heartbeat

Last Friday, I went to the grocery store. I picked up some pregnancy tests since this was the day I was supposed to get my period (I say supposed, but Aunt Flow has never been a punctual visitor).

Anyway, I get home from the grocery store and it appears that our monthly visitor did arrive on time after all. I was a little disappointed - well actually really disappointed - and made a mental note to call my OB on Monday to see what course of action we can take, if any, to help events along.

Saturday rolls around and it seemed that our monthly visitor was just kidding and decided not to make an appearance after all, so I resisted the urge to take a pregnancy test right then and there and wait until Sunday morning when my urine would be nice and concentrated. My big concern was that I was indeed pregnant, but miscarrying again.

So, I took the test Sunday morning and low and behold it was positive! I hadn't had any further bleeding, but I didn't want to get too excited because any amount of blood is alarming.

I made an appointment Monday morning to have a beta hCG drawn. This measures the amount of hCG (pregnancy hormone) and progesterone in your system and can give you an indication if you're miscarrying or not. They will usually repeat the test in 48 hours and are looking for the numbers to just about double.

Good news is everything looks good so far and I haven't had any further bleeding! The nurse said the spotting doesn't necessarily indicate anything is wrong and may have happened because of a change in hormones. I am allowing myself to become a little excited, but am anxiously awaiting my first OB appointment when we can hear the heartbeat. Unfortunately, because of the holidays, I have to wait until I'm nearly 8 weeks before I have my first visit! They will call me if there are any cancellations though.

I am trying to stay as relaxed and patient as I can. I feel I am doing a good job of not letting the anxiety control my life. I haven't changed my level of activity unless I feel especially tired. I have continued to do my exercises to keep my back strong (I was recently diagnosed with fractures in my bottom two vertebrae), and have continued my yoga practice with slight modifications to accommodate the pregnancy.

I have had trouble sleeping the past week, and I will find myself waking out of a dead sleep around 3:00am and not able to go back to sleep. I don't know if this is one way the anxiety is manifesting or if it's due to the hormone changes. I don't feel especially panic-ridden so I'm leaning more to the hormone changes as the cause.

I am controlling the things I can to make sure we have a healthy baby at the end of all this, but I also realize there are so many things I can't control, and I must let nature takes its course. I just hope that the course is steered in the desired direction this time!